The other day while I was driving in my car, probably to one of the myriads of medical appointments my calendar has been filled with for far too long, I heard the radio show host that I was listening to talking about the new year, the resolutions that people so passionately make, and then break before they even get started, and one thing that this person said that stuck with me more than anything, was his recommendation to just plain and simply start something. It doesn't have to be anything grand or something that will require gads of commitment which will most likely stifle the forward movement before it even begins, but even something simple that neither will require oodles and oodles of time which is already difficult to come by, nor has grandiose expectations for end results. I have had multiple resolutions that I have made in my life, and have had many ideas for projects and such which I would like to do. But life keeps happening, and somehow I have never done what this man suggested....just start!
And so today, as I have found myself in a quiet home with children still at school and out with friends, I am doing just that. I have thought about writing for a very long time, but aside from my journals whose entries are even sparse and brief, I have not moved from the thought to action. I've spent more time pondering the many different things that I could write about, and whether it should be a book or articles for magazines, and not merely enough time just writing. While I may yet write a book, or two, and may submit articles for magazines, right now I am most moved to start with this blog, with a subject that at this time in my life, is very pertinent. As the title states, it will be about my journey which I've been on for some time now, of life with chronic pain. It will more importantly also be filled with nuggets of truths, ideas, inspirations and hope to encourage myself and others, as we go along, one moment, one day at a time. I have no idea if what I have to say will be of interest to anyone, but from what I have seen and heard along the way thus far, I believe that there are many out there like me, who even when surrounded by others, have felt so terribly all alone, and who even in the midst of the brightest days, struggle to see glimpses of light.
Just a couple of hours ago, I had a session with my psychologist, and I shared with her my frustrations over what seems to be a never ending battle with depression. The term I used for how I feel most days, is "flatline"--the joy has been proverbally speaking been sucked out of my life, despite my many reasons for being joyful, and the multiple attempts I am making to improve. She challenged me to use the light box (which I dug out from under the cobwebs in my basement storage closet) every day for at least 30 minutes at a time, with my eyes pointed at the light so as to receive the greatest benefit.
I have been doing that while I have been writing, and it truly is amazing how effective being in the light is at lifting my mood. Wow! Thanks MP, I will be sure to make this a part of my daily routine.
In closing, I would like to share something that I am reminded of in doing this exercise of sitting in the light. I have learned, but admit that I have at times also forgotten, that when I choose to focus on the things in my life that are difficult, like the constant pain, that is when I feel the most afraid, and confused. But when I choose to focus, give full attention to, something positive, even if it is something I have to imagine, then my fears subside, my mind is clearer, and my path is more illuminated. I encourage you to find one thing, a word, a phrase, a mental image, whatever you can think of that is positive, and turn your attention straight into it. I guarantee that you too will experience some light, even if for a moment or two.
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