SEVERE WEATHER ALERT

It has been quite some time since I have taken the time to once again get to the outside of me, and into broad daylight, all that has been swirling around my insides,  waiting to be released like raging waters held up by strong and mighty floodgates.  When I wait too long, what's being held in starts wreaking havoc, and seeping out, usually in ways that are not very pretty....kind of like a flood, destroying anything and everything in it's path.  So today, as a part of my flood prevention protocol, I will write.

It is now nearly mid September, my kids are back to school, the weather is cooling down, the leaves are already changing colors, and the geese are beginning to move from their summer places to their winter solace, making a great deal of noise as they go.  It reminds me that a new season is upon all of us, whether we want it to be or not.  No amount of denying or protesting will delay or stop the inevitable changes.  They come and go, we adapt, and we survive.  Despite the present change from the long, warm days, to the noticeably shortened, cooler ones, it seems that I am somehow stuck  in what appears to be a long, overly drawn out season of every kind of extreme imaginable, and unimaginable.  The vast majority of the days are dark, the skies are gray, the sun hides it's face, and the clouds continually pour rain, sleet, or snow.  I am desperate for not just a quick vacation to give me a break from this harshness, but a long, and lasting hiatus.

Having said that, I must also inject that although this is what it feels like my life has been like for a long, long time, there have also most certainly been breaks in the clouds, pauses in the precipitation, glimpses of the sun, and even some rainbows.  What I have been learning to do in a variety of different ways, aka "alternative medicine", is to "turn down the volume" on the crappy weather, and attempt to "turn up the volume" on the good.  This my friends, though it may sound like an easy thing to do, is ever so challenging, and not for the faint of heart....or spirit, or soul, or body!  It requires ongoing effort on so many different levels, and is not something that can be done for just a set amount of time, and then like magic you get it, and your good to go.  This is a lifelong commitment, knowing upfront that there will be good days, there will be bad days, there will be victories, and there will be set backs.  For me, trying my best to keep an open mind and being ever so willing to try new things, and do old things in different ways, is more than half the battle!!

Just this week, I went back to work for the first time in four months.  I wasn't sure I would ever make it back, and was riddled with fear and anxiety in the days leading up to my return.  The day was long, I was a bit rusty, but overall, it was a victorious day.  I was welcomed back by my coworkers, and at the end of the day, thanked for coming in to help out.  I slept well that night, with a renewed confidence and uplifted self esteem, something that has been missing for a very long time.   Also this week, it became evident that the generator that operates the neurostimulator implanted in my back (which, in case you don't know, helps alleviate some of my chronic low back and leg pain) just 4 months ago was prematurely depleted.  This would mean going back to the hospital for more surgery, in one week. To say the very least, this was a monstrous, category 5 hurricane force blow.  While one hand was raised, thanking God for helping me get back to work successfully, the other was wiping the tears that were flowing with this devastating news.

In that moment, and in the moments since then, I had a choice to make, and have to keep making over and over again.  The choice is to open up my storm survival kit, and use the supplies I have compiled in order  to make it through safe to the other side.  I may have this intense increase in pain, fear and anxiety, but I also have ways to manage it all, and thankfully, amazing, wonderful, and supportive people in my corner helping me to do them,  encouraging me every step of the way.  As storms always do, I know and trust, this one too, shall pass.

In closing, I leave you with this.  It is a quote I used as the title of my autobiography I wrote for my 11th grade English class.  It was very fitting to my story then, and even more fitting now.

"It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow"

There is absolutely no guarantee for any of us that there will be more sunshine than rain, or whether the rain will come as a light, gentle mist, or a heavy downpour with gale force winds, cracks of lightening, and roaring thunder.  What we can be sure of, no matter what, is that in the end, when it's all over, there WILL certainly be a RAINBOW.  Our job, is to keep our eyes open, and our hearts expectant, watch for it's coming, and relish in the beauty of the moment when it appears.